莎賓娜的笑眼看人生

回來台灣過新年了，相隔兩年，終於可以沈浸在懷念的年味裡。除夕有公公親手桿麵皮調餡料的餃子、餡餅吃，大年初一到廟禮拜拜祈福，接著混入淡水老街摩肩擦踵的人群中，享受人擠人過新年的樂趣。河岸邊飄送著各種食物的香味，街頭藝人的古箏、歌聲和攤販的叫賣聲與遊客的笑語交織著，一波波拍岸的浪聲也提醒著我真的回到我心愛的淡水了！黑絲絨的夜空不時被燦爛的煙火點亮，而對岸的八里的燈火更是不遑多讓的璀燦。和Hunter擠在窄巷裡小小的店面，喝著熱呼呼的魚丸餛飩湯，嚼著香噴噴的臭豆腐，這就是我們年初一的淡水夜晚，很平淡卻也很幸福！
今年是金豬年，祝大家有像黃金一樣的收穫、跟豬豬一般的圓滿富足！新年快樂喔！

下雪了！這回相機壞了，也少了他在身邊，沒了衝進寒冷伴雪嬉戲的興致，卻因如此，反而在靜靜佇立中，讓更多的思緒與回憶，隨著漫天飛舞的白雪，在腦海轉動、盤旋、悄悄落下。
兩年前，同樣的深夜，無聲無息降下的白雪，同樣帶來此起彼落的驚嘆和笑語；兩年後的深夜白雪，依舊是奔相走告的興奮，只是接到訊息的另一端多是新面孔、新友伴。這就是校園的文化，年來年去、也人來人去。

剩下19天，我就要回台灣了！每天看著MSN tagline的倒數，從「26 days to go！」到「19 days to go！」，不僅有好幾個學妹跑來跟我說:"It's so sad to see the number running down every day!" "Oh, Sabina!It's cruel to show the countdown that way!"連我自己有時都忍不住的慌張起來！要確定研究方法、要備齊教案、要大掃除、要打包、要改地址、要搬東西、要交屋、要做的事實在太多！但每天一早睜開眼，日子又少掉一天。原來，告一個段落是這麼的不容易。
我其實是很期待回到台灣的日子，總覺的在英國，自己從來無法進入「全功能啟動」的運作模式，生活雖有著單純的美好，但缺乏融入這個社會脈動的真實感，彷彿是住在一個偌大的玻璃屋裡，看得到這個國家發生的點點滴滴，但這點點滴滴卻是在玻璃屋之外，不太感覺的到他們的溫度與衝擊。我應該是開始想念起台灣的人親、土親、活力與忙碌了吧！在這裡，我可以像蓄電池般的不斷充電，不過我也很想適度的放電，去教書、去嘗試學到的新點子。可我也知道自己矛盾的個性，等回到台灣真的教起書忙了起來，大概又會對英國的玻璃屋生活念念不忘。

這個世界充滿了太多無解的莫名其妙！！
一個好人即使做了一輩子的好事，只要做錯一件事或少幫一次忙，很可能就會被認為是壞人或偽善。

從Cyprus回來了，這趟12天的旅行，上山近海、歌唱跳舞、佳肴美酒、多的是歡樂；但因Cyprus好客的傳統，必須寄人籬下，由不得我們去住旅館，加上缺乏大眾運輸工具，出外交通全得仰賴朋友，少不了一些不便與束縛。但現在回想此行的一切，記得的全是Cyprus的美好！太多故事可以述說，朋友的賓客上千人的希臘婚禮、豐盛的聖誕大餐、溫馨熱鬧的除夕夜、數不清的clubbing、drinking、eating、singing、dancing、高山上的皚皚白雪、如夢似幻的愛神Aphrodite出生地的地中海岸...還有偶發的意外狀況（包括摔壞了我的相機和回程半夜三點半被取消的飛機~~*_*~~）...很想好好記錄，但是距離我回台灣的時間只剩一個月了，還有許多的工作沒完成！只能寫多少算多少囉。
Cyprus是一個非常重視家庭關係的國家，family bond令人訝異的緊密，所以對我的婚姻問題自然有著濃厚的興趣，幾乎每天都可以聽到關於我的下列對話：

I went to Helen's hotpot party yesterday. Even though it was terribly dark, foggy and cold outside, the wonderful round-table dinner in her warm kitchen was such a delight, beating off the rubbish weather which was exactly the same as Charles Dicken's Christmas Carol. Today, before leaving for Cyprus, Peggy and Eric invited me over for their party. They've got so much great food--salmon sushi, grilled ribs, lobster, salad with Japanese dip, shrimp, banana cake, and nice red wine and plum wine. The best thing, however, is their hospitality and all the laughter in the fun chat. I've also got so many warm seasonal greetings from my friends in different corners of the world and MA students at Warwick. That's why I like Christmas--not for the commercial atmosphere created by the business persons but for the real care and sharing among people.
Thank you all, my dear friends!! Will try to leave some messages here while I'm in Cyprus. *^_^*

這星期以來，Warwick的天氣糟到不像話，晝短夜超級誇張長也就算了，溫度降到零下，放眼白霧茫茫，人煙稀少、怪鳥亂鳴，彷彿進入了一個詭異荒涼的時空。
但是，我明天就要前往那陽光燦爛攝氏20度的賽浦路斯，參加同學的希臘婚禮，過聖誕、賀新年！

I know you need a friend
Someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love
There's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone
You took his number
Said you were alone and you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy
The guy who left you crying
Isn't he the one who made you blue Woo.....
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you going back to the one you love
Someone's gonna cry when they know they lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
What you gonna say when he comes over
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams
All the disappointments
Oh girl what you gonna do
Your heart keeps saying it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you going back to the one you love
Someone's gonna cry when they know they lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
(The Eagles)
 
People say a picture can say a thousand words. I say a good song can speak to millions of hearts. And this song is it!!
Some of my friends have been struggling with relationships recently. It's so difficult for me to tell them what to do. And the thing is I'm not supposed to tell them what to do. If they end up with living together happily ever after, I don't think they will appreciate my help. (BTW, who can guarantee the love stories in the real life will have the same happy-ending in the fairy tales?) If there's still no hope between them at the end, I may be the one who gets all the blame. "To love or not to love?" is always a thorny question for everyone no matter how old you are or whether you're married or not!
It saddens me to see my friends suffering but I'm also wondering--Can we live simply by love? Love changes with time because passion will diminish eventually and commitments will increase, no matter what! Of course one can choose to indulge in keeping seeking excitement and passion and forget all the commitments sometimes. But we all get old some day, don't we? Who will be the one that is willing to be with us when we're no more young and good-looking? For me, even though love is a starting point, it takes something more than love to keep a relationship going. Something that is not always romantic and not always a turn-on. It may sound boring but it's true! Life is full of choices. Once your decison is made, there's always a consequence to what you do.

下星期就是Week 10了，也是這學期的最後一週，雖是陳腔濫調一句，但真的是時光飛逝！
Storytelling這門課在期末都有公演，這一週大家的排演已經進入緊鑼密鼓的階段，常常在studio一待就是大半天甚至一天。我因為在這門課當助教，所以有機會看每一組的排演，幫忙出點主意，參與的過程裡，我自己也有不少收穫！這收穫不僅是專業上的增進，更是情誼的建立。在英國唸博士通常是相當寂寞的，但跟課、看排演，令我在這裡的日子多彩又多姿！有人開玩笑說，我比較像在唸第三個MA，根本就不像是個應該要鎮日愁苦、閉門苦讀的博班生，哈哈，說的真是對啊！

在英國看醫生很貴，而且winter blue可能也不好找醫生醫，因此我決定自立救濟！
星期六一早醒來，陽光燦爛的讓我的心往外頭飛，腳底也跟著癢了起來，何不來個陽光療法？帶著MP3、照相機、到校園踏青去。這裡秋天的陽光只有增色的作用，一點加溫的功能也沒有，全身裹的跟粽子一樣的我，在寒風裡直打哆嗦，加上出門前才擦的指甲油還沒乾透，既不能帶手套也不能放口袋，只能露在外頭給凍的發紫，愛美果然是要付出代價的！